It wasn’t that long ago when marriage was a lifelong commitment. For centuries, the precedent was to marry young and start a family. Success was measured in the ability to raise a family that would do the same. Families were extended entities that endured generations. Only in these last fifty or so years have the concept of marriage and family changed. Since the 1980s, legislature has changed to make it easier to obtain a divorce.
Divorce is now a very common occurrence. Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. In fact, getting married and divorced multiple times is on the rise. This seems compatible to our world of instant gratification, where less means more. Expend less effort to get “better” results. New is perceived as better. It is far easier to let go of what you have than to keep working at something that has no guarantees. And it is especially more difficult to stay working at anything indefinitely.
The concept of marriage is now fundamentally, contract versus union. Divorce is big business. Attorneys and accountants profit the most while spouses and children suffer the turmoil. Even the most amicable relationships take a beating.
After a divorce, everyone seems to swear off the type of person they were with vowing not to marry a similar person again. A month, a year or ten years down the road people will marry a cleverly disguised clone of their first. Usually, consistent psychotherapy can save the person from going down the same path but how many people are willing to wait, invest the time and money to gain insight for change? Most people would rather do what is familiar, remain convinced that they have learned and know better than face the truth.
If the tradition of marriage is not respected as a committed union between two people that takes consistent effort to maintain, why marry? If doing it for the children ends up bringing more heartache and stress than ever intended, then where is the value? If , after a failed marriage, you haven’t received therapy to gain insight and the proper tools to make a successful relationship, then why remarry?
If you need Couples Therapy Laguna Hills, please call Dr. Heidi Berman at (949) 716-5150, ext. 1